In the cult-classic film Groundhog Day, Phil Connors (Bill Murray) relives the same day over and over and over again in the backwater town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. Originally there to cover the groundhog’s meteorological prediction for his TV station, Phil ends up spending dozens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of years reliving February 2nd until he can get his inner self to realize his full potential as a person.
Fortunately, most of us aren’t stuck in a glitch in the space-time continuum, but Groundhog Day can teach a valuable lesson about your dating life and help you understand the rewards and the challenges of turning over a new leaf.
In fact, for many of us, Groundhog Day is a mirror on our own repetitive dating faux pas.
Oftentimes, we ignore the value of ourselves and solely focus on pre-set expectations, perspective, and evaluations of others. As a result, we become people-pleasers and spend all of our time attempting to emulate the perfect person that we believe our opposite numbers is looking for.
For starters, finding a meaningful relationship playing the part of a “people pleaser” can be extremely difficult, if not impossible. Should you manage to successfully attract your desired someone, an overwhelming feeling of dissatisfaction will probably soon develop. You will find yourself reliving the same first dates over and over again. The same restaurants, servers, drink and food order. Ultimately, the same empty feeling when you lay your head down to sleep at night.
You have not actually managed to attract someone to you; you’ve managed to attract them to a façade. All your time and energy is spent trying to have as much in common as possible, regardless of whether or not it interests you. You’re saying and doing things that you believe he/she wants to hear/do. Not only that, but all of the things you “have in common” will mostly be the interests of the other party.
A person has been projected that doesn’t actually exist.
The solution is simple: invest more energy in yourself.
Spend time getting to know who you are, what you enjoy, and what makes you tick. Build up your value as a person by participating in activities and hobbies that you find enjoyable. Not only will this add a healthy boost of self-confidence, but you’ll also be more interesting as a person overall. Added bonus: it will provide a ton of new date ideas/options!
There will be less of a need to emulate and people-please because you have a greater sense of self. You’ll be happier, more confident, and people will be drawn to you.
If this lesson learned can pull/dig Bill Murray out of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, it can certainly get you out of the relationship rut. So, get out there and set a dinner reservation for one. It’s time you got to know yourself a little better.
Is six more weeks of bad dating ahead for you?