Compensation 101: The Do’s and Don’ts
  • Posted Sep 6, 2013
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He/she just accepted my first-date offer. What now?

Do begin your first message by gauging his/her interests (food, hobbies, activities, etc.).

Don’t reference the amount of money it took to get the first date.

Transitioning from the offer to the actual date is actually quite simple…that is, unless you make it awkward. Yes, money is a component to these dates. But that should never distract, nor be the topic of discussion during the messaging process. Once your attractive member has accepted your offer, you will be given the opportunity to message and begin the courting process. Our advice? Keep the conversation light, but inquisitive. Get to know your date so that you can choose a location that will make the best possible first impression.

 

I’m about to pay him/her for the first date. What now?

Do be respectful and discreet about the exchange. Give half upon meeting, and half after the date.

Don’t make a spectacle and announcement prior to payment.

While everyone has their own way of paying for the opportunity of a first date, one thing holds true in all exchanges: discretion. Your date does not want to feel objectified or disrespected, so try to be subtle about the exchange. In most cases, giving half before and half after the date is the best way your gratitude. It takes away any unnecessary anxiety and proves that you are trustworthy.

 

I really like him/her and want to go on a second date. What now?

Do leverage compatibility and charm to nab a second date. Express yourself honestly and tell them you’re interested in a second date. If your date is attracted to you, then he/she will not hesitate in obliging.

Don’t offer him/her more money on the first date to get a second date.

Remember that the money aspect is merely a “foot in the door” for getting a first date. These men and women are people, not prostitutes. Never think you have the upper hand just because you made the offer. If you are respectful, follow-through with your offer, and are genuinely interested, then you will more than likely get an encore date. Good luck!

 

Do you have any advice in regards to paying? Have you ever experienced an awkward situation during the payment process?

 

31 Responses to “Compensation 101: The Do’s and Don’ts”

  1. Leroy says:

    All personalities and perspectives are welcome on this blog, while personal attacks and name calling are not. It’s inevitable that there will be disagreements, but let’s handle it as mature adults with class to keep the dialog constructive and respectful. Please refer to the “Blog Etiquette” section for more details. Now comment away and let’s enjoy the blog!

  2. Marc says:

    I’m all about doing the right thing. 1/2 before, 1/2 after sounds kind of manipulative to me. The date is going to be what it is regardless of the “holdback”. It there is still money involved it is hard to imagine not thinking about it.

    I would rather get the $$ out of the way right up front. Assuming my attractive date has not mis-represented herself (at least substantially lol) I think a nice card with the funds upon meeting (or shortly thereafter) gets rid of the big elephant in the room as they say. And then the date can proceed naturally.

    • Karen says:

      amen! Agree totally

    • Lainalabella says:

      I agree 100%. Waiting makes everyone awkward and can become slightly messy. It leaves too much up in the air and your chest heavy and you can’t enjoy yourself

      • Scott says:

        Marc has it exactly right….give it all Upfront….are you going to hold back any if the date goes south? I just cannot imagine that…you have to be a gentleman and do what you said you would do even if you are not happy with the date…also, to the extent giving the money is awkward giving all the money upfront means only one awkward moment…

  3. Elmo says:

    I actually like 1/2 before and 1/2 after. I had an extremely rude date, although very few on this site are rude. She definitely would have left in a half hour in the middle of dinner had I not had the other half. So I just enjoyed every bite of my meal and did a lot of smiling and was very kind and gentlemanly. Best dinner I’ve ever had.

    • No nonsense says:

      My approach is a lot tougher. They get 100% of the money at the end if and only if I feel they have performed adequately on the date, i.e. shown warmth and affection. Otherwise – they go home with zip. I mean it.

      Pretty young women think they can get something for nothing. They need to be put in their place.

      • prettygirl says:

        well, no nonsense, then that just ruins the whole point of this website. The women who go on a date with you are taking the risk of potentially having a bad date as well. This website is trying to compensate that feeling of “wasted time” by money. If a woman on a date with you doesn’t get her payment because she did not “show her warmth and affection” then you’re totally breaking the rules of the website. Looks like what you want is a woman to fake affection in exchange of cash.

      • SugarMeDown says:

        Nonsense you sound like you just want beautiful women to go out with you without you having to pay for anything but the meal. What if YOU are a jerk n the date, do you still expect to be warm and affectionate? Of course YOU do, because you’re looking for someone to actually tolerate a date with you because no one else will. The women you meet should leave the date if they do not get at least half upfront. Warmth and affection sounds like sex. Jerk

        • No nonsense says:

          One seriously wonders just how far the feminist agenda has gone when women who consider themselves “beautiful” feel they are entitled to upside only, i.e. everything paid for plus a big cash bonus. So they can’t lose even if the man is not to their taste. It’s a roundabout way for women to filter out men who are not ‘wealthy enough’ in their opinion.

          This, I believe, commits them to something, at least – not sex, no, but friendliness, warmth, interest and affection. Don’t like it? Then go to Match.com to find a guy who will need to borrow cash off you to go to a restaurant that isn’t KFC.

          I must point out that I’ve had some wonderful dates from this site. Not all women have been infected with the “I deserve something for nothing” mentality. And I never pay half upfront. They can leave then and there if they want to.

          And no, warmth and affection does not mean sex. Get a dictionary.

        • Lainalabella says:

          No nonsense I just feel like if ur looking for love and affection you should try match.com or chemistry or one of those sites. What your trying to avoid( the I can get what I want for nothing girls) is exactly what this site promotes. This site promotes something for nothing in hopes that people will find a mutually beneficial relationship while being compensated for their time. You agreed to this right along with the sugar babies

      • Aurelie says:

        To be quite frank, my heart wrenches when I read your post.
        Not only has it such a strong bitter tone to it, which would be fair enough – we all have made our experiences, but phrases like ‟They need to be put in their place‟ make all my alarm bells go off – it is actually a highly concerning thing to say.

        It also sounds more like you are the one that was infected with “I deserve something for nothing” mentality. You condemn women who seek a financial stable partner, but at the same time your posts makes it more then clear that you not only seek someone who is beautiful but also invests fully her emotions in you and the date. I spare you with the whole time and afford a woman puts into her appearence for a first date vs. man… you can read about that somewhere in this blog.

        In my opinion your approach is absolutely counter-productive to what you want. If I do not like someone on my first date, it does not matter how much money they hold back, I will be polite, but I am not faking affection for a few dollars… I mean seriously, there is something like dignity and free will.
        I really dislike men that think they can manipulate women with money – point losed of this website. But I assume, with you its different, of course you are upfront with them and tell them in advance that if they do not play nice and according to your gusto they will not see a penny, right ?

        • Don says:

          WOW! Aurelie,! ? You nailed it. And it’s just that kind of thinking that poisons the waters and makes it just that much more difficult for the real guy to approach that same lady to even get the time of day. Seattle could tolerate a few more just like you. Bravo!

      • Truthteller says:

        The point is alot of preparation goes into getting ready for a date that men dont take into consideration such as getting hair and nails done hair removal men im told dont like going out with furry women an eye catching outfit and thats only the beginning and if you add just that up you’re already well over $150 and you dont want to pay her unless shes “acted” warm affectionate towards you? I think you should pay her just for sheer preparation alone if she shows up for your date looking well put together like she has put some effort into looking her best for YOU then pay her the warmth and affection you are referring to will come when you show appreciation not just the monetary kind for her efforts in getting ready for your date

    • Scott says:

      why would you want to continue a date that was rude?….you may have been better off for her to just leave after 30 min…that happened to me once and I was glad she left

  4. savannah says:

    I agree with this totally.. it makes it that much easier to have the date continue normally and more smoothly!

  5. MJ says:

    I have had the opportunity to go on a couple of dates from this site. With more scheduled in future with both women. I have used the suggested procedure of 1/2 at beginning. 1/2 later. At end. In all actuality, having placed “price”/gift card in a card and giving that to date at beginning upon initial meeting, I have had a great time. Both times, the women were surprised at the end. I guess to their benefit, neither had looked inside the card nor realized it was only 1/2. Both were pleasantly surprised at me handing them the other 1/2 after very, very nice dates. I guess the old saying, your mileage may vary, is appropo.

  6. Sara says:

    Ive been on a few dates.
    Is it just me?
    the men gets surprised when you after the date ask for the agreed amount or they “forget” about the money.

    That shows me they arent gentlemen.

    Also in my profile i ask for a gift card instead of cash. So i find it to be very rude when a man gives me cash!

    • Ryan says:

      Cash is what the date is supposed to give you. As a guy, i would like to give a date a gift card, but most prefer cash. As for how i do it, i give half up front and the other half at the end. This is of course they match the profile they posted. If they lied, they go home empty handed and i end the date. I am not an ATM just a regular guy that does not want to be used. Yes, it has happened, either the person looks differently than their pic(s) on the profile, or they lied about something on their profile that they (wierdly) come clean about on the date…

  7. SxeSecret says:

    I have not been on any dates yet from this site, but I have gone on first dates while seeking my last two SD boyfriends and I required $300 cash be given to me while the waitress is bringing drinks, just for dining together to get to know each other. The reasons for the monetary exchange being done that way are:

    1) to prove that they are for real,

    2) so that I CAN relax and enjoy my time with my dinner companion,

    whom I DO show kindness, respect, warmth, and flirtatious interest in that man I am with, while we are together, as I would to ANYONE I spend time with, and definitely when the person is paying for my ATTENTION to be focused sweetly on him.

    I show up, spend the time and money to get dolled up (costs us a lot to maintain hair, nails, clothes, shoes, lingerie, makeup, etc – stuff that men DON’T have to worry about!) and spend the gas to drive to the date. Certainly I am the same person as is in my dozens of photos and who wrote my own profile, so on all counts, I “deserve” what I came for, which honestly is not anything I would be doing if not for the exchange because I could be sitting at home relaxing in my comfy fluffy pjs doing stuff I already love to do!

    I believe it is appropriate to gauge a man’s interest and commitment to treating a woman as if SHE is the TREAT because she IS, and men SHOULD appreciate all our efforts, because, unfortunately, in this day and age, that is not as common as it really needs to be, and this exchange is one way of proving yourself to each other, MUTUALLY.

    However, some men have not followed my only 2 rules –

    Rule #1 Bring cash in a card or envelope because it is a gift and that is a MUCH more appropriate and classy and discreet way of NOT making us both feel awkward or worried.

    Rule #2 Treat me like a lady in public.

    You will be treated as you treat others. Withholding the consideration breaches the agreement before it has even begun, so NOTHING from that point on CAN even be considered fair or true to what MAY have been if the two parties had done AS THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO forthrightly, from the beginning of the date.

    If she shows up and you like what you see, and she seems to have “warmth and affection” / be interested in having a “good” date, then you ARE actually only shooting yourself in the foot by testing her resolve and patience with you for 1-2 hours while YOU already PROVED that you are NOT being the man she believed she agreed to go on a date with.

    Having money and dangling it above people like the illusory rabbit they use at the dog races that nobody ever actually gets just means that you are intentionally being a jerk to pretty girls to see if you, a god in your own eyes, with the power to decide who does and who doesn’t “deserve” to be rewarded for being a “warm and affectionate” person – IN YOUR OPINION, based on 1 hour of trying to build rapport with a total stranger who already lied to her! In my opinion, that is just twisted and illogical.

    My only two concerns with the half and half method are that a first date usually lasts about 1-2 hours, but some guys will use the withholding method to pressure a girl to stay longer or use that dangling the rabbit method to DO more “to get paid” and that is also wrong.

    To me, if she shows up and she is attractive and seems to be someone you can enjoy a date with, then you should do your part to ENSURE THAT YOU BOTH HAVE AN ENJOYABLE DATE by ALSO by being who you represented yourself to be, which is done just as quickly as your first impressions of her.

    Withholding half is just wrong on a diminished level to try to create pressure to perform according to your own visions of sugar plums that no one can possibly live up to because nobody even knows what’s going on in there!

  8. Jake says:

    A couple of comments:

    (1) This is not a SD site. There are at least 20 sites out there that ARE specifically SD sites, but it bothers me that so many women will sign up here and tick ONLY the SB box on their profiles. I understand if a women is interested in dating and is OPEN to a SD/SB relationship, but if it’s solely what she’s looking for, then she should go elsewhere.

    Some comments above exhibit this attitude even further, calling WYP a SD site. Please stop it. Some people actually come here looking for conventional relationships.

    (2) The article explicitly states that 2nd dates are not paid because the attractive members are not prostitutes. First, I don’t think paying for two dates is really that different to paying for one… what am I missing? And second, I have seen profiles here that explicitly state that a women will not be going on a 2nd date unless it too is paid. Perhaps more SB thinking, I don’t know, but it’s not rare.

  9. MaggieTheCat says:

    “These men and woman are people, not prostitutes.” So prostitutes aren’t people?

  10. Skye says:

    I found this fascinating, I just joined the site and the comments were more enlightening than the article itself. There is such a variance on both sides of people who you can tell want a real connection just by their text and just the extreme on the other end also. People who feel they are entitled, to be loved or to be paid to show love…

    I think,( even though I haven’t even had my profile picture approved yet. So feel free to take my opinion with a grain of salt.) That if you are on here to make a connection, wouldn’t it be proper to start that connection through text on the site first? Maybe even exchange skype or yahoo names so you can video chat before the date if you’re really worried that they won’t match their pictures?

    Why use the money as a guarantee of reality when you can take the extra steps before even that initial step to make sure you want to even meet in the first place? Then it’s not only about how much money you’re giving someone, and how you’re paying. It really is about the date and the experience you share together… No one should feel entitled… We’re not, we are people trying to make a connection, simple as that.

    And as a girl, I hate the excuse “We spend a lot of money, time, and effort to look this hot.” Because you’re not doing it for the man you are about to date, You’re doing it for yourself, so that you feel beautiful before he even gets a chance to look at you… No one is making you pay money into your physical appearance but yourself. So don’t use it against someone else as an excuse into why they should pay you more or pay you upfront. I’ve known many men who appreciate natural beauty and a t-shirt with jeans to make up, hair spray, and a dress with heels.

    (sorry for any typos, sleepy)

  11. Liz says:

    I sort of agree with skye, that you can tell in a persons text what they are looking for buy the tone of their writing. To who ever said that this isnt a SD site, it has the option, therefore people are allowed to look for whatever they want on this site. If it isnt what youre looking for, hit next profile, simple as that.

    But i do sorta disagree with skye about how we spend money on our apperance. Women spend a lot of money to look good, even the women that are naturally the most beautiful. And we do it because men are visual creatures and women have a greater chance of a second date or the man being more interested, the better you look.

    Not to say that makes anyone entitled to anything, you spend what you can afford to look the way you want.

    But guys, id rather you give me the money upfront or not at all. You with holding the money, if i dont like you, or youre rude or youre using the money as leverage, ill just walk away without it. Its not a big deal. Youre not my only means of income. I work lol. Its the gentlemen thing to do to give what you said you would. Money doesnt guarentee that you will have a good time, and im not going to fake interest for a little cash. Give it up front.

    And if a dude shows up and is a gentlemen and makes me feel nice, im going to enjoy a meal with him and be a great date whether or not im attracted to him or not. Everyone has something to offer and if hes a gentlemen and you decide hes not attractive enough or hes too nice or whatever and you leave early? Youre a bitch. Be nice, and have some manners like hes having manners.

  12. Maddy says:

    I’ve only been on one first date so far, but I have four more that I will be going on soon. As a college student my point of view as an attractive female is probably a little different. I go on these dates because a) I wanted to give dating older men a try b) I did not want to feel pressured into a SD/SB relationship c) college is expensive and it’s a great way to make a little extra money.
    I do work part time but this site allows me to not only make a hundred bucks for a few hours of my time, but also allows me to meet new people with different (and usually more) life experiences than my own. My date offered all the cash upfront in an envelope, he was very casual and very respectful. I didn’t check to see if the whole amount was in there until after the date, because I trusted him to be as forthright as I was. I do not believe I am “entitled” but I do believe that I am a well mannered, well educated, self confident woman who deserves to be treated as such. I’ve received offers from men with a similar mentality as No Nonsense, but I have turned down every single one. I hope that all my dates go as well as the first because after the awkward money exchange was out of the way we had an amazing time! I would definitely begin a conventional relationship after a WYP first date, but if and only if I am interested and respected. I think that the full amount upfront fosters am environment of trust and respect. Whether you’re an attractive member or a generous one, always put in to a date what you expect to get out of it. Otherwise, you’re just wasting both your time and theirs.

  13. Leslie says:

    I find no reason to withhold the amount, if I were a guy I wouldn’t want you to fake it through the date because you’re waiting for the other half. Although I do know of a girl that went to the bathroom and never came back, shame on her. I myself would like to think that I am with a gentleman, I enjoy my evening like I would with any other date fully confident that he is going to keep his end of the agreement. If I don’t like you, I don’t care about the money, I will leave. I want an SD relationship, and have met nicer potential guys here than on the other sites. When a girl gets ready for a date she spends money on looking good, not just clothing (we don’t need to shop everyday) but manicure, pedicure, hair, sitter, I like to know that I’ll at least get that back if he’s not the one. So sorry for the one guy that wanted a girlfriend and was crushed when he found out I wanted an SD. But it’s stated clearly on the profile. Best of luck to you all.

  14. a GUY NGOTIATIED A PRICE, CALLED ME, WE HAD A PLEASANT CHAT, ARRANGED TO MEETXAND ITWAS A NO SHOW,,,WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THIS ??

  15. gigi says:

    I went on a date with a nasty guy on this site, lazy eye, psoriasis rash all over his skin, fat despite him bragging about gastic bypass surgery he’d had (but clearly had already gained a ton of it back), represented himself as a “banker” but is in actuality a “bank teller” with no car who is in his late 40s and still lives with his mom. I’m 24 and have lived on my own since I was 18. What a joke, he strung me along to a bar after dinner I went along to be polite even though I knew I wasn’t interested in another date I felt like I had to go since he was paying. He tried to ply me with shot after shot until he thought I’d drank enough for him to start touching me with his disgusting greasy rash-laden pimply hands and forced me to kiss him I felt sick to my stomach and pretended to be way drunker than I was just to be able to end the date. He followed me home and tried to come inside i’m assuming he wanted to try to get some type of sexual “favour” I said goodnight as politely as I could and could I please get the date money before I go. He says “I already paid for the date” and runs off to the bus stop. I was so angry because I passed up a shift at work for the date thinking he seemed cool enough, but he misrepresented himself on his profile, took me for a cheap pizza dinner then tried to force feed me shots at a dive bar, tried to get sex, and then conned me out of the $150 he had promised for the date. I got home feeling violated and spent the night in tears. I reported him twice and the admins did nothing. He’s still on the site still pulling his schemes. I will never use the site again it left me feeling used and abused and totally violated.

  16. Sxesecret says:

    This IS a pay for dates website. That is the definition of a SD/sb relationship. Anyone thinking this is not the place to come for that is not comprehending the concept of what this site exists doing, and this site was created by the same SD who married his sb who created the biggest SD/sb website on the internet, which is how I ended up with an account here. It’s simply the facts. It’s not a matter of opinion.

  17. Sxesecret says:

    Gigi,

    Im sorry that you had a bad experience, but that is NOT the norm at all, I assure you.

    That is not at all the way to be managing your own control of your choices. YOU decide what YOU will do, ALWAYS in ALL circumstances in your life, and it sure as heck is NEVER to have ANY stranger off the internet follow you home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These men are NOT paying for sex, they are paying for your time. They are sure as hell NOT paying to come to your house, especially with the fact that then they could show up any time ever!!!!!!

    You are in control of your own choices. If you do not want a man to touch you, then do not let him touch you!!! That is your choice.

    The man should be giving you the money within the first part of the date or you should leave because he has not paid for your time and he has not shown that he is honest and following through with what he has promised by getting you there in the first place.

    This is a contract you two entered into making the pre-established arrangement by making you an offer. He must pay the offer, and you must give him your time. This is not a prostitution website. You are not obligated to “give” him your body.

    You should not be on this website going on these dates without understanding what you are doing, and what this is all about, because you could have gotten yourself raped or killed by the thoughts and behaviors you wrote in your post. It scares me for you!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t do that! BE CAREFUL!!!!

    Read about online dating. Read about this lifestyle on this and the other sister website.

    You should be meeting them in a busy public place.
    • They can walk you to your car IF you DO feel comfortable with them ONLY.
    • They should pay within the first 15 minutes of the date to show that they are for real.
    • You should then stay for 1 hour minimum and you should be charming and you should be the best date they have ever been on, in public, at that place.
    • You should be able to relax and feel comfortable because you are in control of your own choices.
    • You should want to have fun or not go out on dates with anyone.
    • You should only agree to go on dates with men you are attracted to in the first place because of course the man’s goals are going to be to see you again, and of course you would want to feel good about that!
    • Any choices YOU make are YOUR OWN CHOICES.
    • Do not even ever give a man any ways TO put your safety at risk.
    • The only time you can spend time with someone alone is if you two both feel comfortable and like each other and therefore want to after this date is over. That is a totally separate thing. You are NOT a hooker!!!!!!! Don’t act like one and don’t feel like one.
    • This is a pay for a date website. You two can agree to whatever terms you want for your date, but in that case, for sure, you should not have crossed any boundaries of the basic rules of the date.

    For sure, only cross your own boundaries if you really like the guy and you CHOOSE to.

    This should all be fun having adventures. Best of luck in your adventures :)

  18. MG says:

    SxeSecret is dead on.

    I have started out being genuinely interested in guys who dangled the money, or who tried to make me look like a call girl by being indiscreet in how they handed it over, so they could feel like bug shits, and they just blew their chance
    with me.

    Money in a card is ideal, and if you are too cheap to even buy a $.99 card, you are on the wrong site.

    And this is a sugar site, or a site that understands this is why some people are here. You don’t go to POF and get pissed off because you want to find your future spouse, and the person you find attractive is looking to casually date, right? So get over it.

    Ladies, if he hasn’t paid by the time your appetizer order comes up, you shoukd shoot a few discreet pictures, to prove you were there, and leave. There are creeps here, and you don’t need to go through what Gigi experienced, even if you’re out hair and nail and dry cleaning money. Guys, don’t put a woman in this position.

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