Are You Dealing with a Time Vampire?


There really are some rules to dating etiquette and the art of the chase. Men and women are different, and despite the fact that we are in a new era, the popularity of, and other dating sites, just goes to show some things never change… you’ll find Time Vampires everywhere.

Time Vampires come in many shapes, sizes and forms.  On there are two types of Time Vampires.

The first type are what I’d term “fake Generous Members” — users who join as Generous members, then send countless winks, make countless offers, and even accept offers with no intention of ever paying or going out on a date.  When using a dating website, there is no easy way of totally avoiding such Time Vampires, but there are some ways of minimizing your contact with them. On, Generous members who have unlocked at least one date or have the credits to unlock dates they have accepted are given a Premium Member mark.  So having this mark means the user is more likely to be serious than a member who doesn’t have this mark:

You also know you are dealing with a Time Vampire when there is too much time or communication before setting up a date! One member complained about countless “get to know me” emails, or “send me more pictures” emails. She is a busy woman like most of the members here. Online dating is a way of narrowing the playing field, getting specific and finding the right person faster. While it is a tool, it can also be a distraction if the person you are communicating with is just lonely and doesn’t have any intention of following through.

Real and serious men aren’t Time Vampires. For example, I was set up on a date with a billionaire, and when he called, he flat out said, “Talking is just silly. Let’s get right to the date.” He did not have time to waste; he wanted to move through his list of prospective relationships with intention and speed, just as he would in business.

ADVICE: When you meet your Time Vampire in person, you should SET boundaries.

One member asked how people get into 2-5 hours dates? Of course the answer to this depends on where the person is coming from, their availability and what the plan is for the date. Depending on the price of the date, it seems a bit odd to meet for the 30-45 minute coffee. On the other hand, spending 4-5 hours with a person you just met can make you no longer as mysterious or interesting. Spending the same amount of time on the phone or chatting online has the same diluting effect.

What to do before and during your First Date…

Whether you are hanging around the desk of a guy you like in the office, or hanging around with him on line and always available, it shows you do not have much else going on (besides being a vampire yourself). This is not very interesting to a prospective date, yet having too much going can have the same effect. It takes the focus off of them or may set expectations that are too high.

On the date, be attentive and interesting but more importantly, be interested! Keep it authentic, short and sweet and not too deep. Do not tell your life story. Find out about common interests so that you have something to look forward to.  We all love mystery; don’t kill it on the first date or worse before the date!

Expectations and payment – where does the balance sit?

One member gets right to the heart of it quick.

“I cut communication off with any dates I get on here if they don’t feel like clearing the air of the expectations right off the bat… And in the same case if you don’t get half up front, leave (lol) because it means he’s trying to weasel out of it.”

You have all the opportunity to set up expectations before the date. Don’t feel uncomfortable, you can cancel at any time. Not talking about it can lead to some strong disappointments. Above all, do not be caught in the fantasy or attach to an idea or outcome that has not been discussed. In addition, have some fun in negotiating with members to see what price will unlock the conversation to set up that initial date. There is a fine line of course between play and just being difficult or unreasonable. Members who give a little authentic detail on their profile can help bridge this gap.

What about the Time Vampire with No Follow Through?

On the plus side, you have not wasted too much time, on the minus side it can be a let-down. Some ‘generous’ members appear to be using the “offer” to ‘unlock’ a conversation with an ‘attractive’ member, then don’t even read the corresponding email to set up the date.  Members have mentioned this is a common frustration.

“Did they accept the offer on a whim? Were they drunk? Were there married and changed their minds? Did they get cold feet?”

Some do not appear to have opened the acceptance email. From experience and speaking with various members there could be a couple of things going on. Yes! They have cold feet. Try checking their profiles; some are married and considering an affair. This makes things touchy and difficult in terms of risk, time considerations and if they really want to follow through on the impulse.

Yes! They changed their mind or had so many offers out they don’t really have time to take them all out. Or, perhaps they were accepted for dates at a lower price. These can all come into the lack of response, but it doesn’t make it less disappointing.

Again, please note where the person lives, what they are looking for, and if they are willing to travel for the date before accepting or making an offer. If the person lives in Las Vegas and you live in San Francisco, are they flying you to meet them or are they coming to meet you? Once a date has been accepted, these factors become much more real. You can help by posting information in your profile and keeping it updated.

If this appears to be a regular thing, you can report someone who appears to be fake or simply a time vampire! We would all like to know who these people are so we don’t waste too much of our time, but really just move on and don’t look back.

There is nothing ‘generous’ or respectable for a guy or a woman pulling a no-show. Just have the decency to either cancel the date before, or show up and make your contribution for taking the other person’s time and energy to meet you. It’s not necessary to fall in love on the first date, and since you agreed together, why not have the decency to treat each other with respect for their time and energy, just as you would for any other appointment or commitment?

Are there any members who have examples they can share that helped the transition from date to payment?

Is there anyone who is using their profile in a way that keeps setting them up with great dates?

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